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Take it all back

January 12, 2013

If i could, i’d take it all back, i say all, but i really mean the last week-ish, i would change almost everything i did, i’d make more of an effort. Because, i fucking love her. I was happy, for once, i was happy. Truly happy. I could write paragraph after paragraph about it, but i won’t, i feel it’s already too late. I was in shock, at first. So i didn’t say too much. My effort to get her back came hours too late. I shouldn’t have cried then tried. I should have tried as i cried. Tears, taste funny. Old Enemies are easy enough to get close to.  But i want her back, i love her, more than life itself, more than anything or anyone else. She’s perfect, funny, cuddly, lovely, beautiful, gorgeous, kind, caring and  just wish i could have made her believe that’s how i felt about her. If i had a way to let her know every single one of my thoughts, to lt her know that they weren’t lies, i’d use it, i’d let her know. Marriage, a family, we spoke about it. Just the thought of it made me smile, sure, the thought of it makes me cry now, but i really thought we had something. I love her, i love her so bloody much.  I don’t want to let her go. I want her here, we’d take it slowly, exactly how she wanted, she could decide everything, if it meant i had her back. I know i won’t, but i kid can hope, right? Hope… it’s what we cling to when we have nothing left, in my case, nothing else up my sleeve to try convince her of my true feelings. I honestly hope she goes on to have an amazing life with an amazing partner who could give her everything she wants. For me to be in the position of that person, again, would be a dream come true. I want a second chance. I know i’m talking like i’ve already lost her, but i don’t know what else to do, what else to say to her. If i could do something, anything to get her back i would, i’d do anything for her, anything atall no matter how immoral, wrong, embarrassing it may be, as long as i got to hold her in my arms and tell her i love her i woldn’t care what it was. I’d love to take this last week back… maybe one day…  who am i kidding, i knew it from the start, she’s better than me… I guess i was hoping for a fairytale ending with the girl who i truly love, with all my heart body and soul…

I ‘spose i should shut up now….

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